I grew up in a household where making the safe choice was seemingly prized over taking the risk. My parents worked hard to provide their kids with a stable, safe and happy life. They sacrificed so much, and did whatever they could to protect us, allowing us to live a carefree and worry free childhood.
The thing is, being raised in such a safe space, I never really felt encouraged to take risks. I felt like had to push to take chances, wether it be trying out for a soccer team which I may not make or auditioning for the local public school’s play. As I grew older, this became bigger decisions such as choosing a college, where to work as a nurse, and the desire to move across the country for a dream (WHAT. Absolutely not). Making a safe choice was prized over the unknowns, and I believe this was only in the effort to protect us from hurt. My parents would go to the end of the world to shelter us from disappointment.
But the thing is, this world is full of disappointment, risk or no risk, safe choices or not. I’m not saying to jump off a bridge or make a stupid choice that may put your physical safety at risk, but we’ve all heard the saying: “No risk, no reward.” There is smart and safe, and then there is stupid. But there’s also a lot of in between. Only in the risk of seeing how far we can go will we ever know what is within our reach. When at fourteen I witnessed the young life of a sweet girl taken too soon from our world at just eleven years old, I knew I wanted to life a brave life like her. In that moment my life flashed before my eyes, my desire to become a pediatric oncology nurse became clear, and I promised I would live my life to the fullest for all those who didn’t get the chance this side of heaven.
Through my twenties, I have shed old layers time and time again, remembering who I was all along and that girl at fourteen with big eyes and a full heart. I remembered all the dreams I had and the visions I held for the future. The far off aspirations that did not feel supported while rather encouraging choices that would lead to a safer and stable life. As a kid, that’s our parents’ job, keep us safe, protect us, show us the way. But now, all I ask is that you let me fail, and you let me fall.
I say this, because in failing, I know I will fail forward. Because in falling, it will mean I will get up stronger than before. Because in both, I will know I am living a brave life, one that I am proud of. I want to fail and fall, and experience all this life has to give us. I want to know the dark that makes the bright times that much better. I want to see the bottom so that I know when I’m at the top. I want to love with everything I have, and know when I have it. I want it all, and I know that will only come with many failures and times falling short. It’s just a part of it, the dichotomy of this messy and beautiful life.
So let me fail, let me fall, and love me through it all.