Yesterday I experience my first blizzard on the east coast, a record storm dropping nearly two feet of snow within just a ten hour span. It was a pretty cool experience to be honest, and I am constantly amazing at how well the city is prepared for storms like these. By the evening snowfall waned, and this mornings the roads are clear. The high piles of snow on either side of the road a reminder of how treacherous the storm was yesterday. Life carrying on as normal, it’s back to work today for me. But before I do, I had the gift of sunshine beating through my window this morning, creating warmth I hadn’t felt in months. Despite the temp dipping to single digits outside, the warmth of the sun beating through my window was a welcome surprise.
As I moved my favorite chair closer to the window and sipped some warm coffee, I turned my face to the sun. I was reminded of chilly but sunny spring days at my childhood home when I would join my mom out on the deck where she to this day soaks in the warm rays of the sun any time she can. I was reminded of summer days at our beach cabin, my family’s favorite place, our happy place, our home. I was reminded that spring will come again, as the warmth filled my soul with hope of better times to come. It simultaneously brought me hope for summer, and nostalgia for home. I think I will always be torn between the two worlds I have found myself in. Seattle and Boston, but also the pre pandemic world and now.
As friends back home have children of their own, and my own siblings’ families continue to grow, I wonder if I will regret being here. I wonder when the weight of what I am missing will pull me back, or if the quiet voice inside me telling me to stay will prevail. I wonder if one day the warmth of the sun will instead bring nostalgia of my time here, as I continue to build memories in this city I now call home. I wonder if we will ever reside in a world not consumed by the fears and anxieties that’s now our new normal. I wonder if one day I will be able to hop on a plane and not worry about what I may spread to those back home.
However, for now, there is nothing to do but wait, and wade, in the warmth, in the uncertainty, and in the in between. So today, I will soak in the warmth of the sun shining through on a frigid winter day. I will embrace the reminders of good memories past, the things that warm my heart and fill my soul. Sunny summer days, hugs from loved ones, the sheer joy felt through traveling to places far and wide. Sometimes, these days feel so far away, in Boston, in this post pandemic world. But for now, I’ll sit with the comfort and nostalgia that this warmth brings, and believe that I will again be filled with the warmth of love and home, no matter where that may be. I will soak it in moment by moment, minute by minute, wherever and whenever that may be.