I was sitting at the bar with my friend (and coworker) the other night after our shift together at the hospital when we began lamented about our day as we do so often. This bar has become a sanctuary for us after long weekends at the work, where we first sought out a bottle of wine after a long night shift weekend, and now welcomes us with beers after dayshift chaos. It’s here we decompress, share stories, vent frustrations, laugh, and often cry.
We began talking about friends who recently started a newsletter, and Kim shared her boyfriend said we should do something like it. Honestly, my first though was not what? But rather, um yes. Because I can’t tell you how many times we have cried at this bar, or I have cried in my car sitting on the side of the road alone after a long day, and nobody is talking about it. On this particular day, I said goodbye to an 18 year old who may not be alive when I get back from time away. A boy I have come to know and care for and has changed my life immensely. I said goodbye and a hopeful but cautious “have fun at prom,” just before his parents wrapped me tightly in a hug and said, “thank you for everything.” The unspoken goodbye I always dread. I walked out the door, knowing I may never see this amazing young man again. And further, perhaps not his family either who I have come to know so intimately. And yet, I walked out and went about my evening. I left the hospital walls to enter what feels like entire different world. To people known and unknown who know nothing about what just happened, and to whom we fear sharing such stories. It’s moments like these that I think, why the hell isn’t anybody talking about this? And then remember and recognize why so many people leave our profession.
So when Kim asked me about a newsletter, it was a yes please for me. Selfishly a place for me to share stories but also with a hopeful dream that maybe you will share yours. Because I know that many, if not most, of you are like me. You came into this profession with a purpose and a passion that so directly aligns with what we do now. But learning to balance it with a society that does not understand what we see inside the hospital walls is so challenging. And those who are leading us inside the hospital walls sure as hell aren’t giving us anything to lean on. Which brought us here, to us, and to you.
At this time, I just want you to think about why you became a nurse. The first moment you thought about it, your feeling of passing the NCLEX, and one of the (I’m sure) many patients who have touched and changed your life. Because that’s where we are going to start. With your why. Why you are here, and why you keep coming back. If you wish to share this why, please do. I really hope you do ♥️
Until next time.